Wednesday, October 25, 2006

How To Charm Me:

Ken sent me an article from The Michigan Today News he knew I'd like, because he's sweet & thoughtful that way. It was about the words "girl" and "woman" and how these terms are no longer confused by men who know what's good for them.

Another interesting bit:

An outgrowth of “Renaissance Festivals” is the International Wenches Guild, and those who join receive a pewter pin and a membership card. They've even come up with a phrase based on the idea that wench is an acronym: “Women Entitled to Nothing but Complete Happiness.”

Yes, please.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Jamie Summers Of Taste And Smell

Some of my fascinating dieting side effects. Because you are fas-cin-aaaa-ted. You are. In my mind, anyway. Lately it's been hard not notice my:

* sense of smell: heightened. "Oh, my. Yes. That has both vanilla and ginger in it. Lovely. And it seems Daddy has had a beer and the dog needs to go out."

* sense of taste: very heightened. "Seriously, is this not the best corn you've ever tasted in your whole life? It tastes just like fresh corn on the cob, doesn't it?" said over frozen steamed corn, served plain. "This is the most delicious vanilla yogurt I've ever had. Try it! They must be doing something different. This batch is fantastic!" said over the same exact yogurt I've been eating for two years.

Since I have you here I might also mention:

* desire to create: heightened. "I think I'll rearrange the living room. Again! And then sew my own blanket. And then write a book. Oh, and learn all of he lyrics to all of the cd's we own!"

* desire to cook: heightened. "What do you want for breakfast? A Black Forest ham omelette cooked in butter? With homemade pancakes on the side? And Daddy wants grilled sausages also? Coming right up!"

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

All Bran: Breakfast Of Miserly Champions

It's nine a.m., and the morning shuffle has ended. My kids are fed, dressed, loaded up and out the door. Now is when I sit with my Splenda-ized black coffee and read something interesting, either yesterday's newspaper, a magazine, or a chapter in a book. Soon enough I also start thinking about eating breakfast. What I want is a pair of great big warm-from-the-oven scones, generously smeared with creamy butter that will melt just so, and what the heck since it's just a fantasy anyway, I'll add the perfect amount of delicious strawberry jam and big dabs of that English cream stuff that looks like sour cream but isn't.

But no, I won't be having the scones today. No, no, no, no, no. Or as my lovely friend Miss Amber says "Oh, hellllllll no." Instead I'm going to diligently eat a bowl of twigs (All Bran), with skim milk as usual, both having been carefully measured. For color and so it looks more like the picture on the box, I'll jauntily toss a handful of raspberries on top. Then I will dutifully enter the whole thing into my online food diary, for the satisfaction part.

Behold:

Fantasy breakfast: 2 fabulous Breadsmith scones, 2 T. rich creamy delicious butter which is now but a fond memory, 2 T. Windstone Farms Kentucky strawberry jam, and 1/4 cup sour cream because I can't find the calorie count for clotted cream and figure it's probably close enough for this self-indulgent exercise: 615 calories, unspeakable fat and non-existent fiber. This "meal" is so nutritionally bereft the computer senses a security breach and demands my password again, for my own protection.

My actual breakfast: 1/2 cup All Bran cereal twigs, 1 cup skim milk, 1/2 cup fresh raspberries: 202 calories, high fiber, very low fat. This meal is so healthy the computer actually congratulates me and applauds a little bit.

Update: The competition is on vacation and occasionally sends text messages that say things like "8000 calories today." The contest has been extended an additional two weeks, and now ends October 13th. I have about a pound to go.