Saturday, September 23, 2006

Venturing Slighly Into TMI Territory

The diet I'm using is Zone based and is online at a wonderful site that I love dearly called My Food Diary. Basically I have to type in everything I eat and every minute of exercise, what kind, for how long and at what incline. There are no allowances for humidity and wind velocity, but there should be. Anyway... today for lunch I splurged and had McDonald's with my family. And yes, I realize how utterly pathetic that sounds and thanks for noticing. I had a Classic Grilled Chicken sandwich, which clocks in at a relatively decent 420 calories. Except I am smarter and more dedicated than the ordinary bear and I scraped off as much mayonaise as I could and then measured it. I saved myself 2.5 teaspoons of pure fat, and at 70 calories it was worth the time, effort, extra utensils I had to wash and the ridicule of my husband. A man who has never in his life ever been on a diet and should really be smarter than to make some of the comments he does. ANYway. I also tossed out the tomato slice too, because I'm not a fan and I figured if I don't really like it, then why bother. Why pay for something I don't want, right? A tomato slice is about 10 calories, so adding that to the scraped-off mayonaise, I've just saved myself a nifty 80 calories!

Now. The problem with My Food Diary, unless I am missing a feature, and if I am please let me know... is that it's not set up to accomodate subtractions like this. My Food Diary just assumes a person would always eat the whole thing, that is, whatever McDonald's wrapped up in cardboard and handed to me. Oh, contraire. Not this little red hen! No, no, no. I am going to take any calorie savings I can find. (Ken wishes I could get even one tenth this excited about saving nearly 20% off something I purchased with actual money. Cash savings, Lisa. Cash savings.) ANYWAY. I finally hit upon a genius solution. I decided to punch in some dummy exercise for myself, something that would equal the amount of calories I need to subtract, and call it Imaginary Exercise because it would be something that I'd never do. So I checked out what's available for credit and chose 180 minutes of sexual activity at "moderate effort" which just so happens to burn eighty calories even though it certainly seems like it would be a whole lot more, you know, especially depending on incline and wind velocity... Okay, I won't go into the intimate details of the most private part of my life, because this just isn't that kind of blog. But it is safe to say at this age, and having been married this long, to the same man, a man who would continue to make some of the bone-headed comments that he does, I'm safe with my 80 calorie Imaginary Only Exercise.


Ken said...

Shelby's Mum omitted another fascinating fact about her Zone eating habits. First, I must say how proud I am of her focus and stay-with-it attitude toward the diet. Our dishes have changed. This morning I caught her eating breakfast directly out of the Pyrex measuring cup used to meticulously track her caloric intake of yogurt. Fancy dishes no more! We're a McDonald's, Pyrex, calorie counting household now!

Anonymous said...

Is the rest of the family slimming down any now due to the new imposed dietary changes. Did a stint with Weight Watchers ions ago and my significant other lost 10 pounds because of "household" dietary changes...took him a year with no effort on his part and he didn't even know what hit him.

Shelby's Mum said...

Hi, mom! No, the rest of the family is eating as usual, for the most part. Ken brought home a box of Krispy Kremes today, for example. I didn't have any, of course, but he and the kids scarfed them all down. I don't expect him to "accidentally" lose 10 lbs. he's unaware of!

Aunt Allyson said...

John: That was one of the funniest things I've ever read. (smile)

me: yes, she's really good isn't she? (proudly)

John: very good.