Thursday, December 08, 2005

Questioning My Religion

I’m starting to think numerology isn't real. I’m getting to that stage of life, perhaps, where one starts questioning these things. Take the other day for example. I was checking out a numerology booklet, which was really more like a single sheet of paper, but I'll refer to as a pamphlet, that came free in the mail. (Just take one tiny little feng shui class and be amazed at the mailing lists you get put on.) This thing said I could easily figure out the numerology main-deal number for myself, my family and all my friends. Then, after I know everyone's number, I can read all about how it correlates to their personality, strengths and weaknesses, and glean inside information to the depths of each person’s very soul, including my own. The pamphlet said that by utilizing this valuable information I would theoretically be able to improve my relationship with every person, dog, cat and/or goldfish/unicorn, dead or alive. Every single aspect of both my and their lives will improve dramatically and then we will all be oh so much better and happier. All I had to do was add up the corresponding letters for each person's name! I started right away.

First I did myself. Lisa Anne… Wait. Which last name should I use? I completely identify with my married name now, but wouldn’t my maiden name have had some influence? Which is more authentically me, my original-issue name or my sort-of-chosen, but really just came-with-the-husband name? The pamphlet's intructions were vague so just to be safe I did both and of course came up with different numbers; 8 & 3. So I read the skinny on both and they both fit, so I figured it must be like my horoscope. See, I’m on the cusp astrologically speaking, which means I’m very close to the end of one zodiac sign and the beginning of the next. That makes me a kind of hybrid, the rare and complex multiple personality situation of a Sagicorn, or someone with traits of both, just to make it more confusing and to take longer in the morning what with me having to read two horoscopes, but only if I didn’t like the first one, because really, who has time for such nonsense? (a Capricorn thing to say) On the other hand, having two choices is so much more interesting and freeing! It's all good! With two I can choose the one I like better! (a Sagittarius thing to say)


So then I did Ken. His was pretty straightforward; he’s a 9. Then I did a friend; also a 9. Wait. How can that be? No way are these guys the same. If I took out the middle names, things looked a little more promising, but of course the sheet, I mean pamphlet, was sketchy on that. I read about what makes a 9 be a 9 and when only considering those specific traits, I could see my way clear to agree with it that yes, they both are like that and they both do do that. Then I moved on to another friend, and she’s been married, um, let's say more than once. So I did all of her names in all combinations and they all came out the same! She’s an 8 no matter who she’s married to! Aha! Consistency! Yes! Numerology is real!

Then I did my sister, which totally fell apart with the name thing because hers were totally different for all of her different names in all combinations and none of them matched her personality. I was getting a little discouraged at that point and beginning to have serious doubts, which really isn’t in either of my numerology profiles or horoscope personalities... That's when I hit rock bottom and started considering that maybe, just perhaps, numerology isn’t real. Maybe it isn’t based on hard, scientific fact after all.

Then my sister called, excited because she'd bought a whole book on numerology and was busily figuring out everyone. Coincidence? Hardly! Especially since there's no such thing anyway. Al and I spent the rest of the afternoon* adding up names, finding people's birthdays, and basically decoding the universe. Everything makes perfect sense now! And it's true what they say... If you want to understand something, especially a subject as deeply complex and profound as numerology, you really do need to go buy the book.


* Ken: Not the whole afternoon, sweetie. I still got your stinkin' laundry done and mothered your children, so what's the diff? Kisses!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

you are a breath of fresh air...........

Anonymous said...

...then there's me, with a Nietzsche-type/Camus-type existentialist belief in nothing, who believes that there are no innate, hidden purposes to our lives, the universe does not give a damn about us, and if there is a God, he/she/it has too much to do balancing the forces of the universe to bother or care about us mites scurrying around on this infinitesimal speck of dust in a meaningless solar system in a meaningless galaxy of trillions of galaxies separated from each other by distances half the age of the universe, and that there are no absolutes...it's all a matter of choices, and a mix of our hard-wiring and programming that sometines makes our choices meaningless.

That said Lisa, you are, as the previous Anonymous posted, "a breath of fresh air.

Jane said...

One of my friends tells me that the reason my brain remembers every single obscure happening in my and everyone else's past is because I'm Sagittarius. Cuz her sister is like me and she carries every family slight, too. It would be nice have such an excuse for my store of useless and juvenile knowledge, however I became very skeptical about astrology when I learned that my mother and my husband are the same sign. There could not BE any two people on the planet who are more different. So what's up with that??? Oh, and is that you with all the nihilism, Joanie??? How come I only had the strength of character to feel that way when I was younger? Now, as Lisa says, I WANT so badly to believe in something--as long as it's completely on my terms. Well, heck, you could say I have my own religion, Janism...but from what I've heard, that one's not really all about me. And I want it to be All About Me.

Ken said...

Some people contemplate adopting or finding a religion. I'm joining the enlightened throngs in this endeavor. I've decided to adopt a new astrological sign! I welcome any suggestions that match my personality.

My next fun will be selection of my numerology number. I'm thinking of one that rhymes with "heaven" to make it more spiritually connected. Any thoughts on this one?

Shelby's Mum said...

I used to become upset when Ken would say rediculous things like how he's going to choose a new astrology sign or numerology number... But now that I'm more spiritually evolved I know he's just here to test me. And I'm passing, Ken. Do you hear me? I'm passing.

Shelby's Mum said...

Hey, Jane, maybe you could call your religion JUST JANE? All about you, all on your terms, with nice snacks & good music. Hold services in the afternoon and I'll come too!

Shelby's Mum said...

To anonymous #2, the nihilist:

"Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things."

Woody Allen

Jane said...

Don't forget the spirit fingers when you say that, Lisa.

Joan said...

I was not Anonymous II, Jane, but what was submitted by him/her is absolutely me. I couldn't have said it better. Thanks Anonymous II.